Beyond Behaviours
Understanding children. Building resilience. Supporting educators.
Why Beyond the Behaviour?
Children's behaviour is often the first thing we notice, but it is not always the first thing we understand.
A child who refuses to participate may be overwhelmed. A child who struggles during transitions may need greater predictability. A child who frequently seeks adult attention may be looking for connection, reassurance, or support.
Behaviour can serve different functions, and understanding it requires us to consider children's developmental abilities, experiences, environments, relationships, and individual needs.
Beyond the Behaviour is a practical resource toolkit designed for educators, educational assistants, child and youth workers, and professionals supporting children ages 4–12.
The toolkit brings together nine resources organized into four areas: intervention and prevention, resilience-building, behaviour management, and assessment.
Each resource explains what the tool is, whom it supports, when it may be used, and how it can be applied in practice. Inclusion, accessibility, and responsive relationships are considered throughout.
The goal is not to eliminate all challenging behaviour. It is to equip adults with the knowledge and strategies to respond safely, respectfully, and effectively while helping children develop the skills they need to thrive.
How to use this toolkit...
This toolkit is intended to be explored, reflected upon, and adapted to the needs of the children and communities we work alongside.
There is no single strategy that will work for every child, every situation, or every environment. Educators are encouraged to consider children's individual strengths, developmental abilities, cultural identities, communication preferences, and lived experiences when selecting resources.
Each resource includes practical information about its purpose, intended audience, when and how it can be used, and how it connects to prevention, resilience, and positive behaviour support.
The goal is not to implement all nine strategies at once. Start with one resource that responds to a need within your setting, reflect on its effectiveness, and make adjustments alongside children, families, and colleagues.
Above all, remember that the relationship matters just as much as the strategy.
Intervention
and
Prevention
SEL 3
Signature Practices
What is the resource?
The SEL 3 Signature Practices Playbook, developed by the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL), provides educators with practical ways to incorporate social-emotional learning into everyday interactions. The framework consists of three practices: inclusive welcomes, engaging strategies, and intentional closes. These practices can be incorporated throughout the day without requiring a separate social-emotional learning lesson (CASEL, n.d.).
Purpose of the resource?
The purpose is to create environments where children feel welcomed, connected, respected, and actively involved. Rather than waiting for difficulties to arise, educators establish predictable opportunities for relationships, participation, and reflection.
Who is it for?
This resource is intended for educators and professionals supporting social-emotional learning in classrooms, schools, and other educational environments. The activities can be adapted for school-age children, including those participating in before- and after-school programs.
When and how can it be used?
Educators can use these practices at the beginning, throughout, and at the end of a program. An inclusive welcome might involve greeting children by name or offering a choice of greeting. Engaging strategies can include collaborative games, movement, and meaningful choices. Intentional closes provide opportunities to reflect on experiences, recognize accomplishments, and prepare for what comes next.
Connection to Prevention and Resilience:
Consistent opportunities for connection and participation may help prevent difficulties associated with exclusion, uncertainty, or a lack of belonging. These practices also encourage children to develop communication, relationship-building, self-awareness, and reflection skills that contribute to resilience.
Practical Example:
After a long school day, children arrive at an after-school program with different energy levels and emotional needs. Instead of requiring everyone to immediately join a structured activity, the educator greets each child and provides opportunities to settle in. Some children choose an active game, while others prefer a quieter activity.
At the end of the program, children can share something they enjoyed or something they are looking forward to tomorrow. Children who do not wish to speak can participate through drawing, gestures, or quiet reflection.
Source:
Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning. (n.d.). SEL 3 signature practices playbook. https://signaturepractices.casel.org/
Responsive
Relationships:
Serve and Return
What is the resource?
The 5 Steps for Brain-Building Serve and Return resource, developed by the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, explains the importance of responsive, back-and-forth interactions between children and caring adults. Serve-and-return interactions occur when a child communicates through words, gestures, expressions, or actions and an adult notices and responds meaningfully (Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, 2017).
Purpose of the resource?
The purpose is to help adults recognize how everyday interactions contribute to children's early brain development, communication, emotional well-being, and relationships. The resource emphasizes that responsive relationships are built through ordinary moments of attention, acknowledgement, and shared interaction.
Who is it for?
The original resource focuses on infants and young children and is intended for parents, caregivers, and professionals. Its principles can also inform relationship-building practices with older school-age children, although the original developmental guidance should not be presented as specific to ages 4–12.
When and how can it be used?
Educators can incorporate responsive interactions during play, routines, conversations, and moments when a child seeks connection. This involves noticing children's communication, showing genuine interest, allowing time for responses, and following their lead when appropriate.
For school-age children, educators can extend these principles by listening without immediately correcting, acknowledging children's perspectives, and demonstrating that their thoughts and feelings matter.
Connection to Prevention and Resilience:
Supportive adult relationships provide children with opportunities to experience trust, emotional safety, and belonging. When children know adults are available and responsive, they may feel more confident seeking assistance and navigating unfamiliar or challenging situations.
Practical Example:
A six-year-old frequently approaches an educator for reassurance before participating in activities. Rather than interpreting this as attention-seeking behaviour that needs to stop, the educator recognizes the child's need for connection.
The educator establishes a predictable check-in, listens to the child's concerns, and offers reassurance alongside manageable opportunities for independence. Over time, the child is supported in developing confidence while knowing that adult assistance remains available.
Source:
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2017, June 19). 5 steps for brain-building serve and return. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/briefs/5-steps-for-brain-building-serve-and-return/
Responsive
Relationships:
Serve and Return
What is the resource?
The 5 Steps for Brain-Building Serve and Return resource, developed by the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, explains the importance of responsive, back-and-forth interactions between children and caring adults. Serve-and-return interactions occur when a child communicates through words, gestures, expressions, or actions and an adult notices and responds meaningfully (Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, 2017).
Purpose of the resource?
The purpose is to help adults recognize how everyday interactions contribute to children's early brain development, communication, emotional well-being, and relationships. The resource emphasizes that responsive relationships are built through ordinary moments of attention, acknowledgement, and shared interaction.
Who is it for?
The original resource focuses on infants and young children and is intended for parents, caregivers, and professionals. Its principles can also inform relationship-building practices with older school-age children, although the original developmental guidance should not be presented as specific to ages 4–12.
When and how can it be used?
Educators can incorporate responsive interactions during play, routines, conversations, and moments when a child seeks connection. This involves noticing children's communication, showing genuine interest, allowing time for responses, and following their lead when appropriate.
For school-age children, educators can extend these principles by listening without immediately correcting, acknowledging children's perspectives, and demonstrating that their thoughts and feelings matter.
Connection to Prevention and Resilience:
Supportive adult relationships provide children with opportunities to experience trust, emotional safety, and belonging. When children know adults are available and responsive, they may feel more confident seeking assistance and navigating unfamiliar or challenging situations.
Practical Example:
A six-year-old frequently approaches an educator for reassurance before participating in activities. Rather than interpreting this as attention-seeking behaviour that needs to stop, the educator recognizes the child's need for connection.
The educator establishes a predictable check-in, listens to the child's concerns, and offers reassurance alongside manageable opportunities for independence. Over time, the child is supported in developing confidence while knowing that adult assistance remains available.
Source:
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2017, June 19). 5 steps for brain-building serve and return. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/briefs/5-steps-for-brain-building-serve-and-return/
Building
and
Resilience
Breathe, Think, Do!
What is the resource?
Breathe, Think, Do! is a social-emotional learning resource developed by Sesame Workshop to help young children manage frustration and approach everyday challenges. It introduces a three-step process that encourages children to calm their bodies, think about the problem, and try a possible solution (Sesame Workshop, n.d.).
Children's Treatment Network - Visual Strategies (To Help with Understanding)
Purpose of the resource?
The purpose is to help young children recognize emotional experiences, develop calming strategies, practise problem-solving, and understand that challenges can often be approached in more than one way. Rather than expecting children to manage difficult emotions independently, the resource encourages adults to guide and support them as these skills develop.
Who is it for?
Sesame Workshop identifies toddlers, preschoolers, and kindergarten-aged children as the intended audience, approximately ages 1–6. For this toolkit, the resource is most appropriate for children ages 4–6, although elements may be adapted for older children when developmentally appropriate.
When and how can it be used?
Educators can introduce the strategy during calm moments using stories, role-playing, puppets, or everyday examples. Children first practise breathing or another appropriate calming strategy. Once they are ready, the adult helps them identify the problem, consider possible solutions, and choose one to try.
Children should not be expected to problem-solve independently while experiencing significant distress. Co-regulation and adult support remain important.
Connection to Prevention and Resilience:
Learning to recognize frustration, seek support, consider alternatives, and try again can contribute to resilience. The strategy provides opportunities to practise coping and flexible thinking while reinforcing the understanding that making mistakes and experiencing challenges are normal parts of learning.
Practical Example:
Two five-year-old children become upset because they both want to use the same toy. The educator approaches calmly, acknowledges their frustration, and supports them in settling their bodies.
Once both children are ready, the educator helps them identify the problem and consider possible solutions, such as playing together, choosing another toy, or developing a turn-taking plan. The children are supported in choosing an approach and trying it.
The educator remains available if their first solution does not work.
Source: Sesame Workshop. (2026). Breathe, think, do! https://sesameworkshop.org/resources/breathe-think-do/
Emotional Regulation
and
Calming Strategies
What is the resource?
School Mental Health Ontario provides a collection of Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) posters that introduce practical strategies for supporting emotional awareness and well-being. The collection includes activities such as Just Breathe, Calm Place, Tense and Relax, Just Notice, and Let It Go.
The posters are available in elementary, secondary, and more visually accessible formats, allowing educators to select resources that reflect the needs of their learners (School Mental Health Ontario, 2026b).
Purpose of the resource?
The purpose is to make social-emotional learning strategies visible, accessible, and easy to incorporate into daily routines. The posters provide reminders that educators can use to introduce and reinforce coping strategies while supporting children's awareness of their emotional and physical experiences.
Who is it for?
These materials are designed for educators and students in educational settings. The elementary posters are particularly relevant to school-age children, while the adapted visual versions may support children who benefit from additional visual communication.
When and how can it be used?
Educators can introduce individual strategies during group discussions, transitions, or calm moments throughout the day. The posters can also be displayed in a designated regulation space where children have access to comfortable seating and appropriate sensory materials.
Children can be invited to explore strategies and identify which ones feel helpful. Educators should recognize that breathing exercises, sensory tools, or quiet spaces will not meet every child's needs.
Connection to Prevention and Resilience:
Regular opportunities to practise coping strategies can help children build emotional awareness and a broader range of responses to stress. When supportive materials are available before difficulties arise, children may become more familiar with ways to seek support, recognize their needs, and participate in regulating their emotions.
Practical Example:
A school-age program creates a regulation area with children. Educators introduce several SEL posters and invite children to help decide where materials should be placed.
One child chooses a quiet space and listens to calming music, while another prefers movement before returning to play. The educator supports both approaches, recognizing that regulation is individual rather than expecting every child to respond to the same strategy.
Source:
School Mental Health Ontario. (2026b, May 1). Social-emotional learning posters. https://smho-smso.ca/online-resources/sel-posters/
Emotional Regulation
and
Calming Strategies
What is the resource?
School Mental Health Ontario provides a collection of Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) posters that introduce practical strategies for supporting emotional awareness and well-being. The collection includes activities such as Just Breathe, Calm Place, Tense and Relax, Just Notice, and Let It Go.
The posters are available in elementary, secondary, and more visually accessible formats, allowing educators to select resources that reflect the needs of their learners (School Mental Health Ontario, 2026b).
Purpose of the resource?
The purpose is to make social-emotional learning strategies visible, accessible, and easy to incorporate into daily routines. The posters provide reminders that educators can use to introduce and reinforce coping strategies while supporting children's awareness of their emotional and physical experiences.
Who is it for?
These materials are designed for educators and students in educational settings. The elementary posters are particularly relevant to school-age children, while the adapted visual versions may support children who benefit from additional visual communication.
When and how can it be used?
Educators can introduce individual strategies during group discussions, transitions, or calm moments throughout the day. The posters can also be displayed in a designated regulation space where children have access to comfortable seating and appropriate sensory materials.
Children can be invited to explore strategies and identify which ones feel helpful. Educators should recognize that breathing exercises, sensory tools, or quiet spaces will not meet every child's needs.
Connection to Prevention and Resilience:
Regular opportunities to practise coping strategies can help children build emotional awareness and a broader range of responses to stress. When supportive materials are available before difficulties arise, children may become more familiar with ways to seek support, recognize their needs, and participate in regulating their emotions.
Practical Example:
A school-age program creates a regulation area with children. Educators introduce several SEL posters and invite children to help decide where materials should be placed.
One child chooses a quiet space and listens to calming music, while another prefers movement before returning to play. The educator supports both approaches, recognizing that regulation is individual rather than expecting every child to respond to the same strategy.
Source:
School Mental Health Ontario. (2026b, May 1). Social-emotional learning posters. https://smho-smso.ca/online-resources/sel-posters/
Behaviour
Support
Strength-Based,
Behaviour-Specific
Feedback
What is the resource?
The Center on Positive Behavioural Interventions and Supports (PBIS) provides evidence-informed guidance for recognizing and supporting children's social, emotional, and behavioural skills. Its Tier 1 Student Reinforcement Systems publication discusses acknowledging skills and the role of specific praise within a broader positive behaviour support framework (Center on PBIS, 2025).
Behaviour-specific feedback involves recognizing and describing a particular action, effort, or skill rather than relying exclusively on general statements such as "Good job."
Purpose of the resource?
The purpose is to help educators communicate clear, meaningful feedback that identifies the skills children are developing. By recognizing effort, communication, cooperation, and problem-solving, educators can reinforce expectations while encouraging children to understand their own progress.
Who is it for?
This approach is relevant to classroom teachers, early childhood educators, educational assistants, and professionals supporting children in group learning and care environments. Feedback should be adjusted to children's developmental abilities, communication preferences, and individual needs.
When and how can it be used?
Behaviour-specific feedback can be incorporated into everyday interactions, including play, transitions, peer relationships, and problem-solving.
For example, rather than simply telling a child they were good during a group activity, an educator might recognize that the child waited for a turn, explained their thinking, or asked for help.
Feedback should be genuine, respectful, and specific. Not all children enjoy public recognition, so educators should consider individual preferences and avoid comparing children with one another.
Connection to Prevention and Resilience:
Recognizing developing skills can help children identify their strengths and experience success. Consistent, meaningful feedback may also support motivation and reinforce positive interactions. A strengths-based approach focuses on children's capabilities while recognizing that additional support may still be necessary.
Practical Example:
During a game, a child becomes frustrated when another player changes the rules. The child pauses and asks the educator for help rather than pushing the other player.
The educator responds, "You were frustrated when the rules changed, and you told me what you needed. That helped us figure out what to do next."
This acknowledges the child's developing communication and regulation skills without dismissing their frustration.
Source:
Center on PBIS. (2025, July 7). Tier 1 student reinforcement systems. https://www.pbis.org/resource-type/practice-briefs
Collaborative
Problem-Solving
.
What is the resource?
Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) is an approach developed to help adults understand and respond to challenging behaviour by identifying concerns, recognizing lagging skills, and working with children toward realistic solutions.
The Think Collaborative Problem Solving framework emphasizes that children may struggle when the skills required to meet expectations exceed their current abilities. Rather than approaching every behavioural difficulty as intentional noncompliance, adults are encouraged to investigate the underlying challenge (Think, n.d.).
Purpose of the resource?
The purpose is to strengthen problem-solving, communication, emotional regulation, and relationships while addressing challenges in a respectful and collaborative manner.
The approach encourages adults to understand the child's perspective while also acknowledging legitimate concerns related to safety, participation, and the needs of others.
Who is it for?
The approach is intended for caregivers, educators, mental health professionals, and others supporting children who experience behavioural or emotional difficulties. Conversations and expectations must be adapted to children's developmental abilities and communication needs.
When and how can it be used?
Collaborative Problem Solving is particularly useful when a child experiences repeated difficulty with a particular expectation or situation.
The Think approach includes three components within its Plan B process:
-
Empathize: Understand the child's concerns and perspective.
-
Share: Explain the adult's concern without imposing a solution.
-
Collaborate: Invite the child to help develop a realistic solution that addresses both concerns.
These conversations are most productive when the participants are calm and able to engage. Immediate safety concerns must be addressed first.
Connection to Prevention and Resilience:
Collaborative problem-solving provides opportunities to practise perspective-taking, communication, flexibility, and frustration tolerance. It may also help prevent repeated conflict by addressing the circumstances and skills contributing to difficulties rather than focusing only on the behaviour itself.
Practical Example:
An eight-year-old repeatedly leaves group activities without permission. Instead of immediately introducing a punishment, the educator talks privately with the child at a calm time.
The child explains that the group becomes too loud and that they find it difficult to concentrate. The educator shares their concern about knowing where everyone is for supervision and safety.
Together, they develop a plan that allows the child to request a quiet activity in a designated, supervised space when the group feels overwhelming.
The educator later checks whether the plan is meeting both the child's needs and the program's safety requirements.
Source:
Think. (n.d.). What is Collaborative Problem Solving? Massachusetts General Hospital. https://thinkkids.org/cps-overview/What-Is-Collaborative-Problem-Solving/
Assessment
Strategies
Feelings Flashcards
and
Mood Check-Ins
.
What is the resource?
School Mental Health Ontario's Grab & Go Tools: Simple Learning Activities collection includes Feelings Flashcards and Mood Check-Ins that support children in recognizing, identifying, and communicating emotions.
The collection includes different formats, such as a Teddy Bear Check-In, Emoji Check-In, and Mood Meter, allowing educators to select an approach that reflects children's developmental and communication needs (School Mental Health Ontario, 2026a).
Purpose of the resource?
The purpose is to support emotional literacy, self-awareness, and meaningful conversations about feelings. These tools help children develop the language and confidence to recognize and communicate emotional experiences.
They also provide educators with opportunities to better understand how children are experiencing their environments.
Who is it for?
These resources can be used by educators, caregivers, and professionals working with children of different ages and abilities. The variety of visuals and activities makes them particularly relevant to elementary and school-age settings.
When and how can it be used?
Feelings flashcards can be introduced during stories, group discussions, games, and conversations about emotions.
Mood check-ins may be offered during arrival, after transitions, or when children are experiencing difficulties. Educators can provide opportunities to respond privately, use nonverbal communication, or decline to participate.
Responses should not be treated as permanent labels or diagnostic information. Educators should also consider how culture, communication differences, and previous experiences may influence emotional expression.
Connection to Prevention and Resilience:
Building emotional vocabulary may help children recognize changes in their well-being and communicate when support is needed.
Over time, educators may notice patterns that suggest certain routines, situations, or environments require additional support. These observations can inform proactive planning and conversations with children and families.
Practical Example:
At the beginning of an after-school program, an educator offers children a choice of emoji cards for an optional emotional check-in.
One child chooses a worried face but does not want to explain why. The educator acknowledges the child's choice, respects their privacy, and reminds them that support is available.
Later, the educator notices the child is having difficulty joining activities and offers a quiet opportunity to connect.
The check-in becomes a starting point for responsive support rather than a requirement to disclose personal information.
Source:
School Mental Health Ontario. (2026a, April 1). Grab & Go tools: Simple learning activities. https://smho-smso.ca/online-resources/grab-go-tools/
Feelings
Thermometer
.
What is the resource?
The Feelings Thermometer is a worksheet developed by the Child Mind Institute as part of its Understanding Feelings materials. It encourages children and young people to consider the intensity of different emotional experiences rather than identifying feelings only as present or absent.
The activity invites participants to consider different scenarios and illustrate how strongly they might experience a particular emotion (Child Mind Institute, 2020).
Purpose of the resource?
The purpose is to develop emotional awareness, strengthen communication about feelings, and help children recognize that emotions can vary in intensity.
It also provides opportunities for discussion about how different people may experience the same situation in different ways.
Who is it for? The resource is intended for young people and educators supporting emotional literacy. When using it with younger children, adults may need to simplify the language, provide visual supports, and use familiar examples.
When and how can it be used?
The thermometer can be introduced during calm moments, social-emotional learning activities, or individual conversations.
Educators can invite children to think about a situation, identify a feeling, and represent its intensity using the thermometer. They can then discuss how emotional intensity might influence the type of support a person needs.
The resource is not a standardized mental health screening instrument and should not be used to diagnose, categorize, or compare children.
Connection to Prevention and Resilience:
Recognizing changes in emotional intensity can support developing self-awareness and help-seeking. When children become familiar with their emotional experiences, they may be better able to recognize when they need a break, assistance, connection, or another coping strategy.
Educators can also use children's reflections, alongside observation and conversation, to consider whether existing supports are meeting individual needs.
Practical Example:
A nine-year-old becomes frustrated when a group project does not go as expected. During a later conversation, the educator introduces the feelings thermometer and invites the child to describe how intense their frustration felt.
The child identifies a high level of frustration and explains that they struggled to communicate with their peers.
Together, they explore what might help the next time frustration begins increasing, such as asking for clarification, taking a movement break, or requesting adult assistance.
At a later opportunity, the educator checks whether the chosen strategies were helpful and whether adjustments are needed.
Source:
Child Mind Institute. (2020). Understanding feelings: Feelings thermometer [Worksheet]. https://childmind.org/wp-content/uploads/CMI_WellnessToolkit_YOUTH_Handout1.pdf
Using Observation to Inform Practice
Emotional check-ins and reflection tools can provide meaningful insight into children's experiences, but they represent only one part of understanding emotional and behavioural needs.
Educators should consider children's communication, relationships, environments, developmental abilities, and responses to support over time. For example, if a child consistently reports feeling overwhelmed during group activities, educators might observe whether noise, group size, unclear expectations, or limited opportunities for choice contribute to that experience.
Observations should be objective, respectful, and used to inform supportive changes rather than label children. When concerns persist, educators can collaborate with families and appropriate professionals while following confidentiality and organizational procedures.
The goal of assessment is not simply to identify behaviours that need to change. It is to understand the child's experiences, recognize strengths and emerging skills, and determine whether the supports being provided are meaningful and effective.